What about the unhappy co-worker, who puts in overtime on making everyone else miserable?
I have an answer, and you may not like it. It’s “thank you.”
Yes, I’m talking about expressing gratitude to those you might otherwise tell to stick it where the sun don’t shine.
Why? Because like it or not, these people are showing up EXACTLY the way you asked them to in your relationships with them. As if you were a wizard conjuring up spells and incantations, you summoned these people to enter your life and serve the precise role you intended for them. Whether or not you’re aware of this power of yours is another thing, and probably plays a role in how you relate to the circumstance and these individuals that make your skin crawl and blood pressure rise.
Our consciousness – our awareness of our relationship to our self, others, and life sends out signals into the Universe. And we know like attracts like.
So by that logic, our thoughts and feelings literally create the world around us as we know it. They shape our perception and in turn create our reality…our truth.
When you let this soak in, it may seem frustrating, daunting, overwhelming. Did I mention frustrating? Because once we align with this and take RESPONSIBILITY for the part we play, we align with the principle of:
For every choice there is a consequence.
Some of us may have heard this phrase when we were younger: “You will suffer the consequences.” This implies that consequences are inherently “bad” things. The reality of it is that a consequence just is. It’s a neutral result until we apply our own judgements and experiences to it.
By gaining access to the power of responsibility, we can express gratitude for the things that show up in our lives, rather than search for someone to blame. So instead of viewing this responsibility as stressful or frustrating, we can look at it as empowering. You understand that through the choices you’re making and the person you’re being, the world around you pops up accordingly. This includes the people that enter your life.
Think of it this way – let’s say your significant other is unfaithful. Let’s reframe the traditional thought process on this for a second (that whoever cheated is a despicable human being and deserves to be publicly flogged) to a scenario in which you were so POWERFUL in your ability to create experiences of your choosing, that you manifested a person who could show you what you are capable of. Perhaps on some deep level you were curious as to what that experience was like, or had your own issues with fidelity and loyalty, or weren’t sure how else to manifest your need to be loved.
There is something in you that attracts each person you encounter, whether it be for a reason, a season or a lifetime. There are lessons to be learned, and gratitude to be expressed. Now, it may take us a while to cultivate this gratitude and that’s ok. We may need years of growth and understanding before we can recognize what something was and why it showed up. But just the willingness to hone in on this awareness and taking the time to practice saying “thank you” will make it easier in the future to identify and heal.
Okay, so how do I express this gratitude you speak of?
Awesome question. Here are a few ways to put the reps in on expressing your gratitude to the way others show up in your life:
Just say it out loud.
Practice while you’re alone driving in the car, or in the shower, or before you fall asleep. Say, “Thank you ____ for showing up exactly how I asked you to. Thank you for showing me.” You don’t even have to mean it the first few (or ten) times. You’re setting the intention and opening the possibility for you to heal this area you’re struggling in.
Meditate on it.
Maybe you’re not ready to go vocal with it, and would rather look within. Meditation is a great time to visualize you and the person(s) you are dealing with and apply an empowering mantra to the situation. Picture the individual happy and whole, and the two of you operating in harmony together. Marinate on something like “I am powerful and create the experiences and relationships of my choosing.”
Write about it.
Writing can be extremely therapeutic. I have a friend who swears by writing out issues. She believes there’s no problem that can’t be worked through after you lock yourself in a room by yourself with a pen and paper for 12 hours. Now, many of us aren’t at the level of a 12-hour writing stint, but most can take 5-10 minutes to jot down our thoughts and feelings. Set the time for you to be alone, and write whatever comes up for you. Maybe it’s a letter to the person in question (regardless of whether or not you send it), or to yourself. You’ll probably learn some things you didn’t previously realize, or let go of other things that used to seem like a big deal. There’s power in actualizing your thoughts to written word.
These are just a few options for you to work on when expressing what may seem so hard to say to someone you’re at odds with. But understand that by thanking someone, you’re not just giving them permission to be who they are and grow to more. You grant this permission to your self, too. Because they are just a reflection of something within you, right? What a beautiful idea. Accept, love and thank others for where they are, and thereby you acknowledge the Divine in you.